Overheard on the street

Watch yourself, there's another logic at play here..a colder logic than can be comprehended by your feeble imagination.

But I thought there was just logic and...I don't know...not logic.

Are you serious? In this day and age? Why not just believe in dwarves and elves?

What...What do you mean?

No such thing. Hate to break it to you.

But...

Simply the early mistakes of some overeager genetic experimentation, I'm afraid.

But they look so real...

They are real, you idiot, they just aren't your special magical friends...

But...

Who will clearly say anything to get you to appease their appetites. What did he promise you?

How do you know it was a he?

Don't change the subject. What did he promise you?

Nothing.

Oh, you can tell me. It's happened before, trust me.

I don't know.

Hey, it's me, isn't it? Come on. You're among friends here.

You'll be cruel.

Never! I'm shocked you would even say as much. How long have we known each other?

Oh, all right...he said I could join his next quest.

Really! How lucky for you!

You're making fun of me.

Not at all. I'm really quite envious. They don't ask just anyone to join them. I've heard that they are very selective.

Really?

Sure, sure.

But you said...

It doesn't matter what I said. What matters is that this...

Hobbit.

Seriously?

What? You asked, didn't you?

Right, right. This...hobbit...saw something in you, a quality that he clearly admired enough to invite on his next quest.

But you said...

That he wasn't really a hobbit? Right, but he doesn't know that, does he? So take the compliment as it was intended.

Oh. Yeah, I guess it is pretty cool.

And did he ask you to do anything in return for this?

Oh...well...

Come on, let it out.

Nothing.

Did the hobbit ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable doing?

No...I'd rather not talk about it.

I...see. I certainly respect your desire for privacy. I can see this is a difficult topic for you.

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Hobbit-Fucker.

Hey!

Prove me wrong.

What?

You heard me, hobbit-fucker.

Stop saying that!

Then prove me wrong.

How?

How do you think? Exhaustive scientific study. And if I'm any judge of character, I'd say you were more of a catcher than a pitcher. You know what that means, don't you?

What?

Cavity search.

Fuck off. I thought you said you weren't going to be cruel.

Yeah, and the fellow with his dick in your ass last night was Bilbo's great nephew.